For my ladies,

This is for all my ladies out there, 

I am labeled a "Bitch". After being called this more than a few years of my young life, I started to ask myself, "What are the qualifications of being a 'bitch' in today's society?" So I asked a three of my friends, and two acquaintances (those who I know, but only see in class or other public settings) to describe me in five words. 

The most common five words in popularity order were as follows:

 1.Confident

 2.Bitch

 3.Outgoing 

 4.Blunt

 5.Dominate/Intimidating

As I looked at the five labels that my peers attached to me, I started to wonder what did I do, or didn't do, to make them think this of me?

The word "Bitch" stuck out to me the most. I feel as though Most "bitches", or at least the ones I can think of are most, if not all, of these things. 

When I asked them to define the word "bitch", some were confused as to why I was asking for clarity on the meaning. Others seemed scared to answer truthfully. 

Finally, after giving it some thought, one of my friends described a "bitch" as, "She is someone who is comfortable in her own skin and doesn't care what other people have to say. Yet, she is quick to express her opinion, no matter how blunt, disrespectful, or hurtful it might be. They are never sorry for what they say because they are, telling you the hard truth, stating their opinion, and/or 'telling you how it is going to be'. Or in other words, being bossy or assertive. Opinionated kind of sums it up."

Another acquaintances of mine described being a "bitch" as, "Someone who you do not want to piss off. They are good to have as friends because, if true friends, they will always have your back. They stand up for what they believe in, no matter the cost. They have the confidence to back up what they say. They know what they want, and they get it, through force, or in some cases persuasion. They always demand respect, but give theirs sparingly."

The third person I asked this question of said that a "bitch" is, "A female who is not dependent on anyone. She takes care of herself. She portrays confidence, independence, and a determined attitude towards what she wants in life."

a

(Notice how all three used the pronoun, "She". Can men not be a "bitch"? Given that the actual definition of the word is used to describe female dogs, in the world of slang, can men not be a "bitch"? What is the male counterpart to being a "Bitch"? Some might say men are, "Assholes" or "Dicks", but do they really mean the same thing?

This got me thinking. I asked another friend of mine, one that did not partake in the first round of questions, if he thought that there was a male word that would be described similar to that of a "Bitch". After reading what my other friends had described as "Bitch traits" He laughed and then said, "If a man was to be all of these things, then other males would probably consider him to be on "Boss Status". 

I asked him to elaborate on what this slang term meant. He told me that a guy on "Boss Status" is a guy who independent, assertive, and will only acknowledge your existence if you teat him with respect." 

Sound familiar?

After all of this I have come to the following conclusion:

When a female is independent, assertive, and demands respect, society defines her as a "Bitch". BUT, when a male is independent, assertive, and demands respect, society labels him a "Man", or in slang terms on "Boss Status". 

I shouldn't have to point out the hypocrisy in this sad conclusion. People are quick to label females who are not afraid to speak their mind, no matter the cost, as "bitches". Yet, after talking with my peer about this one word, I have come to realize that being labeled a "bitch" is now a term that some females want to be called. Some people think that if they are a "bitch" to other people that those people will respect them. 

Being a "bitch" is becoming more and more popular in my generation, both for negative, and surprisingly positive meanings. 

But the hypocrisy that still exists today in the battle for gender equality saddens me. Given that the female gender has come a long way in its struggle for equality, we still have a long way to go! The fight continues! We, as women, should be fighting for our place BESIDE the male gender. 

Notice I have said EQUALITY, not DOMINANCY. It is my belief that neither gender should be superior to the other. 

Whither it is being called a "bitch", or some other slang word, no female should let the labels that society has attached them to define them. 

Although I am not a Christian any more, one of the things I will always remember from bible study is a quote from one of my former pastors, "God did not create Eve from Adams foot. Therefore she is not to be walked on. God did not create Eve from Adams head. Therefore she is not superior to Adam. No. God created Eve from Adams rib. Therefore she walks BESIDE him though out life. Neither Adam nor Eve is superior to one another. They are equal." 

This is a quote that, although probably not verbatim, I will never forget. My mother has taught me to be the strong, independent woman that you see today. She also taught me that I have a voice, and that if that voice is used correctly, it can change the world. So to every female that reads this, I urge you to find a way for your voice to be heard. No matter the topic. I have chosen to use my voice to raise awareness about animal conservation, feminism, and several other things. Find a subject that means something to you, and raise up your voice for it. :) YOUR VOICE MATTERS!!! NEVER let ANYONE tell you any differently. 

Don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe to be right! If someone calls you a "bitch", feel free to use my response to that by looking at the person and saying, "That is QUEEN Bitch to you!" Never forget, every woman is a Queen of her own world. Who you let affect you world, or kingdom, is a choice that you make. 

Chose the people around you wisely, and never settle for less than you deserve. Like my generation says, "Hater gonna hate, but they will always appreciate." In other words there are always going to be someone who dislikes or disagrees with you for whatever reason, but they will always appreciate you, and the presence you had in their life. 

~Sarah-Beth 

Questions

Have you ever thought about what people will say when you’re gone? If you were to die today, what would people say about you? What will people remember about you? Will it be your personality, your selflessness? Or will it be negative? Were you selfish, and always mean? What legacy are you leaving behind? Would anyone want to remember you?

These are the questions I keep asking myself.

What kind of person am I?

Am I a good person? I don’t seem to have a lot of friends. I have one person outside of my family that I know I can count on, and she lives in states away. If I were a better person, wouldn’t I have more friends?

If you look at my life from a stranger’s point of view you would think that I have a lot of friends. I am always talking to people. Smiling. Laughing. But the truth is that those are not my real friends. Those are acquaintances. A lot of people are unaware of the difference between friends and acquaintances.

Friends are the people in your life that you know would be there for you no matter what. No matter the time of day, or where they are, they would drop whatever they were doing to come and help you out.

Acquaintances are the people who will help you, if it’s either A) your last option, B) convenient for them. I have a lot of acquaintances. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t think for a second that these people consider me a true friend. I know I am an acquaintance of theirs and I am ok with that.

But out of all the people I know, who will truly remember me? What will they remember me for? Will it be something I did for them, or will it be something negative?

What will be my legacy?

I am 22 years old. What have I accomplished in my short life? Sure, I was a zookeeper at a young age, but I don’t feel as though any of my ex co-workers would even come to my funeral. Given I was there for a short period of time, I would like to think I was memorable, and at least worth being remembered.

What about my college friends?

People at my school know me as a blunt bitch who speaks her mind. Even though I would tell you I find it flattering when people call me a bitch, is that what people will remember about me? That I was mean, or a bitch who wasn’t afraid to hurt your feelings?

A lot of people would say, “If you don’t want to be seen as a bitch, then don’t be one.”

Easier said than done. I have no reason to sugar coat my feelings, or thoughts, that being the reason why I am so blunt. If that makes me a bitch, then so be it. But that’s not who I am. I am a nice, caring, and passionate person. Or so I would like to think.

I act like I don’t care about what people say about me, but it really does matter. I act tough because I cant stand the thought of thinking im weak. I refuse to be weak. My whole life I felt weak. I cared too much about what people thought about me. I wanted to be popular, and have everyone like me. Well when that didn’t happen in high school, I decided that when I got to college I wouldn’t be a push over, or care if anyone liked me.

I hid behind being a bitch. I suppressed my the part of me who cared about anyone other than my immediate family, and myself.

Then I got really sick this past summer. I wont get into the details but while I was sick I started thinking about what would happen if I died. Out of all the people I know, who would miss me?

Last spring Troy University lost four fellow Trojans. All of them were from different walks of life, hung out with different crowds. After everyone at Troy heard about them dying, Troy banned together and held a memorial for them. They will be remembered. The whole school knows their names. What if that was me?

Do I have to die alongside fellow Trojans to be remembered?

Do I have to die tragically?

Now this all may sound very egotistical, but I want to be remembered for something positive.

I want to be remembered by more than just my family. I want to make an impact on this world. I want my life to mean something.

I don’t know what I want to be remembered for, but I know that its not that I was always a bitch.

Being a bitch to everyone, and putting walls up that no one can break down is very depressing, and lonely. I want to have more than one real friend. But I have now lived this life so long, and I have gotten so comfortable behind these walls that I don’t know how to change and bring them down. I am afraid of going back to the girl I was in high school. I don’t want to let myself be that naïve girl who wants to be every ones friend.

I don’t know how to find a happy medium between the two people. This is something I guess I will have to figure out. Some how.

But if you are still reading this, I want you to think about the type of person you are. What do you think you will be remembered for? Who will remember you? If you are happy with who you see in the mirror, I envy you. If you are not, then I challenge you. Try and become someone you would be proud of. This a challenge I am also issuing to myself because you never know how much time you have.